January 2010
WatchHamm & Buble, SNL
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I've had a sore throat and cough for a day or two.
I’ve been taking stuff for it and I just wish it would go away. It’s not fun.
Fucking text me.
Please.
We made a drunken balloon fort.
It’s baller.
I love college-town weekends.
I live for the weekends.
Going out for brunch.
Oh my shit.
Have a good night everyone.
Tonight's Agenda:
Eat pizza
Watch movies
Get drunk
Party with friends
[Not necessarily in that order. Probably all at the same time, actually.]
I also brought more socks today so that I can go...
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I did my laundry tonight.
I was running low on socks and underpants. If I had more of those I could’ve gone for at least another two weeks on the clothes I had left.
I think I know what I need to buy tomorrow.
“We grin and shake hands
Then lay ambush for the man
Who has a different point...”
– Lauryn Hill, Oh Jerusalem
Anonymous asked: If you knew you had 2 years left to live what would you change about your life? How would your answer change if it were 1 year or 1 month?
Remember when the Wii was first announced in the...
Ryan Ruins A Conversation in the Breakroom
rypurt:
Co-worker: …He already has a Grammy right?”
Ryan (interrupting): “I had a Grammy but she died from eye cancer, she was really sweet…but in a computers and colored people are scary kind-of-way, ya know?…what?”
I hate white bread.
It tastes bad and sticks to your teeth. I prefer a hearty whole grain bread.
Today I'm wearing one white and one black sock...
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I'll probably just stay off Tumblr tomorrow so I...
It’s just better if I give it a rest for a day—rather than have the hell annoyed out of me.
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My friend Rick gave me a slogan a couple weekends...
But you have to pronounce my name duh-MOAN. That’s not how it is normally said but I guess that’s my party name.
Black thug #1, holding 'Indiana Jones' DVD: Damn, son, look how young and fly and hip that nigga Harrison Ford was. That shit made his career, son!
Black thug #2: I dunno, man. I don't like a white dude with a whip.
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From Overheard In New York
I applied for some more internships today.
I have a back-up already but I would love to work at Shure—which is where the three that I applied for today are located.
The Case for Watered-Down Legislation: What health... →
'The Taming of the Flu' at Second City was...
It was very well done and it was very funny. They made a ton of Chicago political observations which were hilarious. Overall the show was great and I recommend Second City to anyone with a sense of humor and a love for Chicago.
1: Some people don't eat meat.
2: Those people aren't real.
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From The Second City
We're driving into the city for the show at Second...
I’m really excited. I’ll let you know how it goes.
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
– Stewie, Family Guy
“I was stoned at work. You can’t be stoned at a bank.”
– J
Sing it, Beyonce.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(937): I did something last night that I shouldn’t have, but I don’t want to tell you because you’ll probably just make it your fb status… (1-937): I see you’ve learned your lesson.
WatchIf President Obama’s first year in office was an inspirational movie, this would be the trailer.
WatchIf President Obama’s first year in office was a horror film, this would be the trailer.
“Girls are supposed to dance. That’s why God gave them parts that jiggle.”
– Troy, Community
Anyone want to be my girlfriend?
Just kidding. Well, I am but I’m not. I want a girlfriend, but I don’t think the internet isn’t the place for me to find her at.
I need a girlfriend because I’m at that point in my life where I really need that close relationship with a girl. I’m not looking to settle down and get married; I just need something more steady.
I don’t know why I’m...
“My back hurts. I gotta stop getting raped.”
– R, in reference to how school-work is bringing him down
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How to fix the US Postal Service:
The US Postal Service could save a ton of money by delivering mail to only half of the total route each day. They would deliver mail to half of the route on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The other half of the route would receive mail on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. This would allow the USPS to lay off half of the mail delivery people. This would not be good for those workers, but it would...
Gangsters with braces:
It’s like saying, “I’m a badass and I care about my teeth.”
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I want a 1979 Honda Civic hatchback.
You got one you want to sell?
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Joke:
A young man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Son, I have a proposition for you. First, you have to drink this gallon of tequila. Then, you have to remove the sore tooth from the alligator out back. Then, you have to go upstairs and have sex with the woman who has never been pleased before. Once you’ve done those three things, I’ll give you...
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Just woke up from an enjoyable power-nap.
Did I ever tell you that I love college?
“Some of the shows on [MTV are] not my cup of tea. Mainly because I don’t...”
– Aziz Ansari
“Let’s trash talk the Summer [Olympic] Games for a second. Okay. Guys like...”
– Stephen Colbert about the speed skating of the Winter Olympics
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Is it bad that 'Stuff White People Like' reads...